Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2006 January
2005 December
2005 November
2005 October
2005 September
My Links
Jill Twiss
Squirrel X Quotes
Kitta.net
Bloggie Awards
Making a Blog Book
Zug
Quotation Page
Tucker Max
Fishbucket
Pixelsaurus
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| Christmas Cheer |
| 12.22.05 (8:23 am) [edit] |
Ok so merry fucking christmas. You know I mean it. What a great time of the year isn't it? Well I wouldn't be writing if I didn't have some things to go over. Some stuff to get straight. A little christmas clutter to sort out.
Speaking of christmas, let's start with the 12 days of christmas. I love it. Don't you? It's fantastic. What a great christmas song. I love it. Don't you? It's fantastic. A holiday melody. What a great christmas song. I love it. Don't you? It's fantastic. A holiday melody. I love it. Don't you? Kill me. Will you? I'm fantastic. I have a wooden spear in my skull, but at least I blew up that fucking stereo. The 12 Days of Christmas is like holiday Vietnam.
It was real cute at first hugh? For a couple minutes. This is the only song in history that wore out it's welcome halfway through the song. Let's stop kidding ourselves. This isn't a song, it's a math equation. A really bad one with 12 patridges in 12 pear trees when you're trying to play it off as one. By the end of the song you have a shot gun loaded to hunt a fucking partridge, but then decide to just shoot yourself in the face instead.
Ok moving on. Most of us start the christmas thing no earlier than mid November. Everyone except for that stupid asshole who put up his christmas lights in August. You know the guy. He celebrated Halloween in June. You know when I put up my christmas lights? Two Decembers ago. They never came down. Well one time we lost a strand because my nephew used it as a rope swing into the swimming pool. I mean what an anal bitch. We're shopping on christmas eve, and so is he, for easter eggs. The biggest thing I hate about christmas is the shopping. It's 60% "where the hell is the pillow section", 30% "I can't believe they ran out of lettuce babies", and 150% "get out of my way motherfuckers".
We all have to get into the Christmas mode eventually though. That's because we have to buy a shitload of presents. Jesus got presents, so your asshole nephew who set fire to his house and strangled a stray cat with a twizzler deserves presents too. What does mildreds vegetarian hemopheliac transexual boyfriend want? How about a candle? Ya that works. Get them all something good to shut em up. Well not all. I mean you can't buy presents for everyone. You have to decide who gets some and who doesn't? This is based on a logical and completely objective process we call fuck that guy. You think of reasons you didn't buy someone something, just in case they ask. Like if your best friend Eddie asks, say "I didn't get you a present because of that time you took your dying father to the baseball game instead of me. I hope he burns in hell. Merry Christmas"
Some people get presents, and some people don't. That's just the way it is. Meanwhile, you know what I got in my stocking last year? Socks. You son of a bitches. Why don't you just stuff a pack of underwear down my pants while I'm sleeping?
Ok then, let's go out and get a friggin tree. When we get to the tree place we'll act like tree professionals who meticulously critique every god damn branch and angle. What does it look like this way? What does it look like that way? Don't worry, we can put the retarded side against the wall. Do we want a fat one or a tall one? Let's haggle over the price of a dying carcass. You don't know shit about trees, so stop pretending you do. Walk in and grab one, and get the fuck out of tree expert village. Throw in a wreath too, which in tree world is equivalent to ripping off someones arm and making a neat circle out of it to hang on your door.
That's all for now.
Just wanted to spread some Christmas Cheer
|
|
|
| |
posted by: 5hadow (reply)
post date: 12.23.05 (9:43 am)
No problem. Fuck holiday cheer. Can't we have a year off? Forget snow too. I'm sick of it. Gimme Florida year round with no Christmas and two orgies a week. I just threw in the orgies. I hope they don't throw out your comment.
posted by: mexico8pharmacy (reply)
post date: 01.10.06 (3:49 pm)
If you have just literally 5 seconds available, please help me get through my current financial difficulties by simply, clicking on the bidvertiser links on my blog.
|
The Weblog
Review
Search Engine Analyzer
Pulldown Generator
Haloscan Text Ads
Technorati Blog Stats
Popdex
Special
Thanks to...
|
