NASA to Return to Moon
"Just for the Hell of it"
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NASA to Return to Moon
"Just for the Hell of it" |
| 10.18.05 (7:03 am) [edit] |
[image]5hadow_199713710.jpg[/image]
NASA has begun to plot out its next journey back to the Moon, where scientists will once again confirm the existence of a rock which is rumored to be orbiting our planet.
In his mid-January space pep rally, President George W. Bush charged the agency with signing up to a new astronautical agenda -- part of which called for extended human missions to the Moon for no good reason as early as 2015. NASA has the Moon securely in their sights, but wants to confirm it still exists by walking on it again. They haven't collected samples of the surface recently. A surface which is made up largely of useless dust.
"We are very excited about our return trip to the Moon." Said Commander Jim McJohnson. "It will be nice to see the rocks we already saw, and double check for water we are almost certain isn't present, hence it's grey color. We are strongly focused on completing this mission which holds no relevance to the final frontier. At least we can pull the russian flag out and send it floating through space. What are they gonna do about it?"
Illogical step
President Bush has established the goal of a human return to the Moon by 2015, as the launching point for further moon missions. Beginning no later than 2008, preperations for the first in a series of missions to the lunar surface are on tap to research and prepare for future human exploration just for the hell of it.
Using a yet-to-be Crew Exploration Vehicle, the first piloted mission to the Moon is listed as early as 2015, with the goal of living and working there for increasingly longer periods of time. Though the Moon currently has a very weak economy, George Bush hopes he can stimulate the large rock through tax breaks.
The President explained in his January 14 vision statement at NASA Headquarters: "Returning to the Moon is an important step for our space program.Lifting heavy spacecraft and fuel out of the Earth's gravity is expensive, but the Moon is home to abundant resources. Its soil contains raw materials, he added, that might be harvested and processed into souvenirs."
[image]5hadow_1017761440.jpg[/image]
The Elleged Moon
"We can use our time on the Moon to develop and test new approaches and technologies and systems that will allow us to function in other, more challenging environments, such as the Bronx or Oakland. The Moon is a logical step toward further progress and achievement," Bush said. "This will be one small step for man, but one giant leap backwards for common sense."
Future NASA missions include a meaningless orbit around the earth to confirm it's spherical nature, and a 2 billion Dollar November flight to the "International Space Station", to water the plants and feed the space cat. The Space Station was originally created to study the effects of zero gravity, such as floating around and shitting upside down.
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posted by: 5hadow (reply)
post date: 10.20.05 (4:48 am)
Remember the first time someone told you the moon was made out of cheese? I believed it. I believed it so much I started spreading the word. Telling everyone. Then some smart kid who reads books comes along and disagrees with you. He tries to refute your cheesy moon claims with no proof whatsoever. We'll call him "moon expert". He tells you that in fact the moon is made out of rock, and you stand there and doubt him since you went so far with the cheese thing. You doubt this rock theory, after jumping directly on the cheese wagon without a question.
posted by: Silentz (reply)
post date: 10.21.05 (6:01 am)
Quality!
You know, that's funnier than The Onion has been for ages.
Your Katrina thing is pleasingly edgy as well.
I think a good rule of life is... in order to make one person laugh you must offend at least three.
Keep it coming.
posted by: 5hadow (reply)
post date: 10.24.05 (3:29 am)
Thanks for stopping by Silentz. I thought a brit such as yourself would enjoy it. My humor is dry and sometimes very subtle. That's the british way.
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