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NASA to Return to Moon
"Just for the Hell of it" |
| 10.18.05 (7:03 am) [edit] |
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NASA has begun to plot out its next journey back to the Moon, where scientists will once again confirm the existence of a rock which is rumored to be orbiting our planet.
In his mid-January space pep rally, President George W. Bush charged the agency with signing up to a new astronautical agenda -- part of which called for extended human missions to the Moon for no good reason as early as 2015. NASA has the Moon securely in their sights, but wants to confirm it still exists by walking on it again. They haven't collected samples of the surface recently. A surface which is made up largely of useless dust.
"We are very excited about our return trip to the Moon." Said Commander Jim McJohnson. "It will be nice to see the rocks we already saw, and double check for water we are almost certain isn't present, hence it's grey color. We are strongly focused on completing this mission which holds no relevance to the final frontier. At least we can pull the russian flag out and send it floating through space. What are they gonna do about it?"
Illogical step
President Bush has established the goal of a human return to the Moon by 2015, as the launching point for further moon missions. Beginning no later than 2008, preperations for the first in a series of missions to the lunar surface are on tap to research and prepare for future human exploration just for the hell of it.
Using a yet-to-be Crew Exploration Vehicle, the first piloted mission to the Moon is listed as early as 2015, with the goal of living and working there for increasingly longer periods of time. Though the Moon currently has a very weak economy, George Bush hopes he can stimulate the large rock through tax breaks.
The President explained in his January 14 vision statement at NASA Headquarters: "Returning to the Moon is an important step for our space program.Lifting heavy spacecraft and fuel out of the Earth's gravity is expensive, but the Moon is home to abundant resources. Its soil contains raw materials, he added, that might be harvested and processed into souvenirs."
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The Elleged Moon
"We can use our time on the Moon to develop and test new approaches and technologies and systems that will allow us to function in other, more challenging environments, such as the Bronx or Oakland. The Moon is a logical step toward further progress and achievement," Bush said. "This will be one small step for man, but one giant leap backwards for common sense."
Future NASA missions include a meaningless orbit around the earth to confirm it's spherical nature, and a 2 billion Dollar November flight to the "International Space Station", to water the plants and feed the space cat. The Space Station was originally created to study the effects of zero gravity, such as floating around and shitting upside down.
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| Katrina you Bitch |
| 10.05.05 (4:45 am) [edit] |
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Does it strike anyone else as odd that the name Katrina is being associated with mass destruction and death? Everytime I watch the news is "Katrina's path of destruction", or "Katrina's wake of terror." I mean I know you're so used to it by now, but step back and really listen to this stuff. "And today, Hurricane Fluffy Pajamas rocked the coast with unbridled furry." Here's a little piece of advice. If you have a storm capable of destroying a large number of human beings, then give it a scary name. Something like Spike, or Gargoyle. Enough of this Tiffany and Wilma bullshit. Tiffany and Wilma are pussy names to be associated with pussy things, like tea cups and lace pillows.
So Hurricane Pussy Wipped slams the coast of New Orleans, and kills a bunch of people I don't know. Am I really supposed to feel bad for these people? Don't sour on me. I have a good point here. I mean how stupid could you be hanging around inside what is essentially an empty pool basin just waiting for water to be poured in as a major storm hits? I don't care if it's called Hurricane Harmless. You're fucking retarded! Get out or die. Send you money? For what... being a complete tool? You don't have flood insurance? You live on the coast of a giant body of water known as the ocean, and you're below sea level! Not my fucking problem if something goes wrong. I decided long ago not to stay in that place too long. I throw some beads, see some boobs, then I'm outy. No need to die over it.
Everywhere I go it's give to the Katrina Fund, help out the Katrina victims. You want money from me? Change the note on the glass jar from "Katrina Relief", to "Help the Stupid Asswipes Who Stayed in an Obvious Deathtrap", or "Common Sense Disregarding Moron's Who Can't Swim Fund". I might drop a buck in for the entertainment value alone. Just show me a video of people drowning as I put the dollar in. So I can LAUGH! Oh you don't like that? They had warning. They stayed. I feel bad for the crippled ones who said "Fuck it I'm slow as shit in this electronic wheelchair." I'll give money to that. Otherwise the rest of them can screw. I don't want this money going to just anything. I mean what are you going to do, build a bunch of houses in the same place with no flood insurance again?
I can only take so much of this. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to have an overpopulated metropolis in that location in the first place. Look, you stick a hairpin in a wall socket once. Either you die or you write the experience down in your holy shit journal for later, so you never do it again. You even decide to pass it down through several generations. Write it in your will. "The house goes to Harry, and by the way don't stick a small piece of metal in an electrical outlet." All I'm asking is that we take the same approach here.
Move all these people somewhere else. I don't mean move everyone to one other city. Don't be ridiculous. When you're digging a tunnell out of your jail cell, you don't go into the courtyard and drop a big pile of dirt from your pantleg on the shoe of the warden. You walk around and disperse the evidence evenly. Put some of these people in Utah. Rip roaring, bead wearing, drunk all day, deep south jambalayans right in the middle of a morman colony. Hey if I'm giving money, I want some entertainment.
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